Monthly Archives: May 2010

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Weddings

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My world seems to be surrounding me with with weddings.

The first wedding I will be going to as a friend and not a family member is a very non-traditional one, since there will be two brides, both of whom are already married (to men), and no marriage afterwards–just a celebration of their love, which is a very sweet thing I think.

Then my favorite site has to do a feature on the idea of fathers walking their daughters down the aisle, since that is what the Princess of Sweden will be doing at her wedding.  That left me wondering a little about what my thoughts on the issue are.

What I know for sure:

  • I would ideally like to have both of my parents walk me down the aisle were I to have a wedding.  Or to walk down the aisle or whatever with my partner beside me.
  • I would not want it in a church nor performed by a religious official (with the possible exception of a UU minister).
  • I am ambiguous about the idea of weddings and marriages as a whole.  I don’t like how one piece of paper that is often only granted to a man and woman can determine so much, like tax status and whether someone has to testify against you in court.  Why not allow consenting adults to form whatever partnership(s) they think will most benefit them with whomever they like and have that be legally binding?
  • My parents said that as long as they had met my partner they would be okay with us eloping.
  • I’m not wearing white.  Not a big fan of the color to start out with and I’d rather wear something I can wear again.  My general thoughts have been a midnight blue overbust corset underneath a black pantsuit with heels so I can look taller.
  • Open bar at the reception or party or whatever afterwards.

What I don’t know:

  • What I would say if just my father wanted to walk me down the aisle.
  • What I would do if my partner insisted upon having a church wedding (though I would hope that at that point they would know me better than to think I’d be okay with that.)
  • Whether I would want flowers–it just seems like a rather unnecessary expense.
  • Whether I really want to get married in the first place because of my above-mentioned ambiguity about the institution as a whole.
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Just for fun…. Tattoos

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It’s only in the last year that I have ever considered getting a tattoo. I’ve always been more of a piercings person, attached to the idea that if I ever need to I can take them out and let them heal over. However, I have been exposed to many people in this last year that have some of the most beautiful skin art and I’m just starting to have symbols that have enough significance to me to have them permanently on my body.

These are my ideas for some I would consider getting should I ever decide to do so:

  1. The Celtic symbol for the maiden, mother, crone triad, like this.  This is one of the ultimate symbols of female power and celebrating the circle of life.  I would get this at the spot where my neck meets my skull–on the other side of my neck from the fifth chakra and up a bit.
  2. The shield of the city of Siena.  This city has a hold on me unrivaled by any other foreign city and matching the city I live in now.  I don’t know where exactly I’d put this, but I’m thinking somewhere along my right side.
  3. The poly infinity heart.  I wear this symbol daily around my neck since it resonates so deeply with me.  It would be asymmetrical and have a red heart and a blue infinity sign.  I saw a design once that I loved but have been unable to find it since.  I would put this in the far left corner of my back, on the fat deposit right above where my back becomes my butt.
  4. The claddagh.  This ideas represented by this symbol are some of my core values:  heart for love, hands for friendship, and a crown for loyalty.  I would put this diagonal from the infinity heart, somewhere near my right shoulder.
  5. The title and the most repeated line of one of my favorite poems: Do Not Go Gentle Into that Good Night by Dylan Thomas.  The whole quote would be the last two lines of the poem:  Do not go gentle into that good night/Rage, rage against the dying of the light.  This poem is written in a complex form called a villanelle.  I’m not sure where I’d want this, but I’d want it somewhere where each would have their own line.

That’s it, really.  Not sure whether I will ever get any, but this just establishes some possibilities.

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Attraction

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I was going to write a few days ago on my poly life, but I figured out that I wasn’t quite ready to say anything on that yet, but be assured, it is something I will write about soonish.

This is meant to be part of a two part series on attraction and attractiveness, both written close together because both are in my mind at this point in time.

As a bisexual woman, I find myself attracted in certain ways to both men and women. However, and this is a big part of me, more often to women. Big secret time: about 95% of the time, maybe even more, I do not find men physically attractive when I first meet them. Women I can be physically attracted to from the moment I meet them. With women that physical attraction does not often change–either you are or you aren’t. With men, I find that they grow on me.

I am usually first drawn to women by their looks. I think maybe this is not such a good thing–this is how society conditions people to view and judge women, on their looks first and foremost. I know this is not how I want to be judged by anyone–I’d rather people find me attractive because of my mind than by my looks. However I am starting to think that maybe this is a function of where I usually meet women, which is at bars. One of my friends I was drawn to because of her personality–I met her online and talked to her for a while before I ever met her in person, and the first time I met her it was at a board game night at her house. She is not conventionally attractive, but in my eyes she definitely is because of personality and appearance, in that order.

Men, I am drawn to because of intellect, usually. To get my attention as a guy you definitely have to be able to hold my attention in a conversation, which usually involves talking about something that engages my mind. What happens after a while is that I decide whether what a guy talks about is interesting enough for me to want to talk to him again and then I will give him my number. Looks usually don’t come into the equation until much later. After a while, usually a month or so, though it has been more and less, I start realizing that I am becoming attracted to them physically. However, with my boyfriend things were a little different. I was first drawn to him because of a physical resemblance he bears to someone I was thinking about at the time. Then the rest of the process unfolded.

I have been emboldened by reading Look Both Ways by Jennifer Baumgardner in describing my attractions. The book inspired me to not be afraid of saying that yes, I am attracted to men and women in different ways and for different reasons and there’s nothing wrong with that. It is all a natural (and fluid) part of human variation.

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Identifying Part 2

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I know I’ve done this before, but it’s always good to do updates.

Hello
My gender expression is
activist, ally, assertive, BDSM, bi-romantic, bidyke, big sister, biogirl, bisexual, bitch, bondage, bottom, cat lover, cisgender, curious, daughter, different, dork, female, female-bodied, feminist, fluid, friend, geek, gender expressive, gentlewoman, girl, intelligent, introvert, kinky, LGBTQA, lady, liberal, lover, Miss, Ms., ma’am, miss, not sure of others, odd, open, passionate, poly-oriented, polyamorous, polyflexible, polysexual, pro-choice, pro-gay, pro-sex feminist, progressive, queer, queer-friendly, questioning, quirky, recreational gender blender, sex positive, sister, student, submissive, switch, top, trans-friendly, treehugger, woman, XX
What’s yours?