Relationship: Girlfriend/partner (deceased)

How long:  I had known her since about June 2012 (online perhaps before then), and we started dating in February 2013.  She passed away on August 4th, 2013.

How we met originally:  She was one of the hosts for Polystrip 2012 and I had been, for lack of a better term, heckling the hosts for the show before then.  I got volunteered because of my vocalness to be the first person on the Meat Market (dating thingy).  She asked me questions about what I wanted out a person and I stuttered, because, at the time, I wasn’t really looking for anyone to date.  When I was asked about age range, I had no idea how to answer, so I think I put a cap of 32, to which she replied that that was too bad.  I said something about making an exception for the right person.  I am glad that I did make that exception.

What I liked: Her smile, kindness, general optimism, openness, and masochism.

What I didn’t like: Other than answering the obvious (she died too early), I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to answer this question objectively.

What our relationship was like:  It was still very new, so full of light and excitement.  I know, from how she acted and what her other partners have told me, that she was so full of love and energy for me and that makes me happy.  I am glad that I got over my chicken-shitedness and managed to tell her that I loved her (right at the end of a Doctor Who burlesque show she and Raven and I were attending), but I will always regret that that was only a week before her death when I felt it so much earlier.  I am certainly glad I didn’t wait until she was going to say it when she was going to give me a present, because she never had the opportunity to give it to me — I only got it from Raven about a month ago.  She was planning a life with me and I found myself loved and included in a very special way by that action.  I would have loved to have the opportunity to have a wedding or a commitment ceremony with this woman, honoring that unique and precious bond.

What I have learned from this relationship:  Never be afraid to tell someone that you love them because if you don’t, you may regret it later.  Act out of kindness and always be loving to those around you, even when they irk you.  It was through falling in love with this woman that I reinforced my queer identity — not bi or pan, but queer.  Be open about what you want; you won’t get it any other way.  That I am truly a sadomasochist — I love sadism and masochism for entirely different reasons.  That sex can be amazing, even if I am just giving and not being touched at all.

Random tidbits:  We shared a love of Doctor Who.  I attended her wedding with Raven and I felt very happy and compersionate and nothing else.  After her passing, I put aside my plans for a tattoo that I had been thinking about for a long while to get the next tattoo she was going to get (a circle of rainbow hearts — shown after this paragraph).  I found out with her how really amazing fisting can be for the fister; being female it was the first time I got to penetrate a partner with a very touch sensitive portion of my anatomy, feel their heartbeat, feel encompassed by them and it was astonishingly satisfying.  We never really had a first date — the closest was an afternoon where we had lunch at The Armory and spent time at the SciFi Museum in downtown Seattle, but we had been together for a couple months at that point.


National Coming Out Day

Since it is National Coming Out Day, I thought this might be appropriate:


My name is

I am
adult, agnostic, ally, BDSM, baby girl, bidyke, big sister, bisexual, brunette, caring, cisgender, curious, curvy, daughter, deist, dork, female, geek, gender blender, girl, intelligent, interested, introvert, kinky, LGBTQIA, lover, Miss, Ms., ma’am, mistress, pagan, pansexual, passionate, polyamorous, polysexual, pro-sex feminist, queer, queer-friendly, questioning, sadomasochist, sapiosexual, switch, tattooed, voyeuristic, wench, woman
Who are you?

I am an adult – legally.  I am older than 18 and 21, both of which are markers of adulthood in my culture.

I am agnostic, because I unsure of whether there is or are deities.

I am a baby girl because that’s what my papi calls me.

I am a bidyke, because I am not lesbian identified, but the term dyke resonates very strongly with my sense of gender expression.  I do not conform to either masculine or feminine dress expectations, but tend to prefer the comfort of clothing over the look of it.

I am a big sister, because I have a younger sister.

I still use the term bisexual, because it tends to require less explanation to outsiders that pansexual or queer, even though those are terms that resonate more with me.

I have brownish hair, therefore I am a brunette.

I am caring because I tend to orient myself towards helping others.

I identify as cisgender because both mentally and physically I am comfortable in the sex I was assigned at birth.

I am always curious.  My favorite question is “why?”

I am curvy.  I have breasts, hips, a stomach, and thighs that stick out and make delightful curves around my body.

I am a daughter because I was a girl born to my parents and proud to have been so.

I am a deist.  If there is a deity or deities, I believe that they created the world then left it be.

I am a dork.  I love to make fun of myself and do silly things just to make everyone smile.

I am female.  This is both the sex I was assigned at birth and the gender I live in comfortably.

I am a geek.  Ask me about Firefly, or Doctor Who, or Star Trek (especially Next Generation and onward).

I am a gender blender.  I choose to express gender in a way that blends both male and female characteristics, even if it might not be apparent in any given encounter with me.

I am a girl.  I may be a woman because I grew to be an adult, but I never lost the girl side of me.

I am intelligent.  Ask anyone who knows me.  Ask the “standard measure of intelligence”, the IQ test and I have above average intelligence on that level.

I am interested.  This goes along with the curious.

I am an introvert.  I charge my batteries by spending time by myself.

I am kinky.  I like a lot of what BDSM offers me and I am definitely not vanilla.

I belong to the LGBTQIA community, as a bi/queer woman.  It gives me a paradigm.

I am a lover.  I have a (at this point in time) a lover/partner, but in times past I have had several.

I am good with anyone calling me Miss or Ms. on my mail.

I use the terms mistress or ma’am when I am topping someone.  I tend to prefer ma’am, but have some fondness for mistress because Minx called me that.

I identify as pagan.  I am in true awe of the power of nature above all.

I identify as pansexual.  It encompasses my appreciation for many different sex/gender combinations.

I am passionate.  If there is something or someone that interests me, I will go at that cause whole-heartedly.

I am polyamourous.  I believe that love is infinite and that I have the capacity to hold more than one person in my heart at one time.

I am polysexual.  I will have sex with more than one person over a period of time.  I tend to prefer sex within the context of some sort of relationship, though it need not be romantic.

I am a pro-sex feminist.  I believe that everyone, so long as it does not harm anyone else or encroach on their personal space without consent, should be allowed to practice sex however they see fit, even if it is something I would never do myself.  I also believe in equality of opportunity for men, women, and all those in between and outside.

I am queer.  I like this term because it also means odd, which I am as well.

I am queer-friendly because, being queer, it doesn’t make sense to me not to be.

I am questioning.  I always like to re-examine myself, figure out where I am, whether I am still okay with identifying as I do.

I am a sadomasochist.  I like both giving and receiving pain on a physical and intellectual level.

I am a sapiosexual.  Intelligence in people is a huge turn-on.  I want to be able to have long conversations about strange and extraordinary things with my friends and partners.

I am a switch.  I enjoy playing on all sides of the BDSM dice – top, bottom, submissive, dominant, sadist, and masochist.

I am voyeuristic.  I like watching and listening to people in all contexts, sexually (consensually, of course) and non-sexually.

I am a wench.  This is what Minx called me as a pet term, and I like it.

I am a woman.  And I am good with that.

I am also so much more than my labels could ever encompass.  I am me!



Relationship: Boyfriend/partner (my preferred term)

How long:  Have known him since August 2009, have been dating since February 2011.

How we met originally:  Through Butterfly.  I met her on OkCupid and she invited me to their house.  He was her partner at the time.

What I like:  His sense of humor, cute butt, honesty, and intelligence.

What I don’t like: Snoring, issues with expressing attraction/desire, occasionally the only person I can hear from a floor away when I’m trying to sleep.

What our relationship is like:  There’s a phrase I’ve heard about romantic relationships that tends to be fairly true: first year forming, second year storming, third year norming.  We are definitely in our second year, but we are alway still learning new things about each other and discovering the depth of our love.  I am still as desirous of him as I was the first year we were together, but I think there’s more depth to it now.  We have sex fairly regularly, a little less often than I would like, but nothing worth a fuss.  I am definitely the higher libido partner, which is quite a change for me.

What I have learned from this relationship:  Attraction can be sustained through more than just NRE.  How to express specifically what I want, when I want it, instead of just expecting someone to know what I want (still working on this).  How to listen well.  That sometimes love just cannot be explained using words – still don’t know why, just that it can.  That humor is endearing to me.  How drunk someone can get and still not seem like it.  How to be more understanding of people whose brains work differently from mine.

Random tidbits: We were born about eight years and ten months apart (he is older).  He is an aspie.  When I first met him he had hair that was past his shoulders.  He is divorced, as of 2012 – I never met his wife (even though we started dating before the divorce was finalized), but I have seen her in an old video.  He has pretty blue eyes.  He gets into obsessions with video games for months on end.  Our first date was to a conveyor belt sushi place and I was so nervous, even though I had known him for a couple years, and we had been getting cuddly and friendly for a couple months before.



I am planning at least one post dedicated to each person in the cast list.  As new people go on the list, I will add their character sheet.  Some will be longer than others, as I have known some of the people longer than others/have more to say on that person.  As I finish each person’s character page I will link their name on “The Cast” page to the post I made about them.