I read a question post in one of the many poly groups I’m in on Facebook, asking for advice on how to get along with a metamour, especially one that you don’t have much in common with. I left a short answer because I felt like I was rambling, but I came to think more about it and here’s what I came up with:
I don’t know about without a lot of commonalities – I tend to find that people tend to be attracted to people that usually share some characteristics/interests. I find that the best way to try to make nice with metamours, even if you’ll never be friends per se is to try to find those commonalities and to be able to communicate about your partner in common.
I have had a couple relationships/friendships/interestships that outlasted my relationship with our partner in common (and in the two cases I can think of off the top of my head – also their relationship with the partner in common, though not always through break-up).
I feel blessed for the former metamours I have in my Facebook (and sometimes real) life:
1. The one who posts pictures of them and their kids, so I can see how their life has been even though I lost touch with them years ago;
2. The one who posts thought provoking articles and fabulous pictures (she is a truly talented photographer) and her partner who I occasionally nerd out with (and secretly have a tiny crush on *shush*);
3. The one who, along with my mother (and my partner, of course), is helping me plan my handfasting. He will be officiating at it. He is one of the very few people outside of my immediate family I would trust with my life.