Day 8: What’s a favorite picture you associate with non-monogamy?

This one is easy.

That’s why I chose it for my bigger back piece.

Day 7: What do you think about hierarchical non-monogamy?

I think that it works for some people.

I tend to see it descriptively – some people might describe my anchor partner as my primary and he does sort of fill that role for me.

At this point in time I am open to new primary-type partners, but am more interested in secondary-type partners.

Sorry for missing a day, so I’ll do two in a day.

Day 6: What does marriage mean to you?

It is a way of binding people’s lives together – protecting their interests as a unit.  It is a commitment that people can make to share their lives for as long as the arrangement works to suit the best interests – mental, physical, and emotional – of the people involved.  It is also a good way to support the raising of children.

Day 5: How did your family react to you being non-monogamous?

I am only out to my close family and all of them reacted well enough – see the entry on my coming out.

I am not sure how the rest of my family would react – a fair number of them are more conservative than my parents and sister.  I don’t have any intention on outing myself to them unless it is absolutely necessary.

Day 4: How do you feel about your non-monogamy?

It’s just a thing that’s part of who I am.  I feel a little bad about identifying as poly/non-mono and only having one partner, but I know that that is just how it is at this point in time.

Day 3: What have been the best and worst experiences you’ve had coming out as non-monogamous?

I’ve been pretty blessed to be honest.

The worst was not bad at all, just timing that was a little wonky.  My non-live in partner was visiting and we lost track of time and my sister showed up on a visit a little early.  So I had to explain the situation to her and she was a bit weird about it, but ultimately cool.

The best was to my parents.  Or at least the most hilarious.  I was visiting their house and finally decided I should out myself to them.  So, visibly nervous, I sat them down in the living room and proceeded to tell them.  My dad, completely straight-faced for only the first few seconds of it, started to go on a hellfire and damnation speech and then started cracking up in the middle because he couldn’t do it.  They both just wanted to make sure that I was safe, healthy, and happy, and I assured them I was (and have continued to do so).

So, I read about this challenge on Tumblr answering one question each day of February about my personal relationship with non-monogamy and I thought it might be fun.

Day 2: When did you first realize you were non-monogamous?

I don’t know if there was a first realization.  There was a first introduction to the idea and that was in college.

I had a threesome in the first few months I was college.  None of us had a preexisting relationship.  We talked about being in a relationship with all three of us – something we conceived of being possible, but didn’t know any terminology.  So I did research, like I did.  And discovered polyamory.

This relationship never panned out for a number of reasons, but the idea resonated with me.  And I was never quite the same.