Depression’s Lies

I had a mini post’s worth of thought on this subject, based on a friends’ posting, so I’m going to see if I can expand it.

Depression lies.  It is in fact one of the worst liars I know of – it’s lies are often only believed by the person in whose head it resides, and they are so insulting.

It can tell you that you screwed up, that you are screwing up right now, that you will always be at fault, that you are not worth being in a relationship with (of any kind), etc.   It can tell you that you are worth absolutely nothing, that the world hates you, and wants nothing more that for you to take yourself out of it.  It lies so well, and it can be so easy to believe it.

I know for me, every year, I war against those lies, in a string of battles.  But please believe me when I say: you are not alone.  A lot of us battle alongside, and are willing to help.




There is something about being manic that sets my self on fire.

Love and sex.

Not ever going to claim that they’re the same, that one leads to the other, or that one must exist for the other to exist.

I only once fucked someone that I’d just met – the mood was there, and it felt right.  A great majority of the great fucking I’ve done has been with people who I have some sort of connection with – it may just be sexual chemistry and some nice conversation.  However, for me, the best overall sex I’ve had has been with the people I get along with well, and have had time to figure out.

It is all about the fucking sensual.  The sights, the sounds, the tastes, the textures, of someone wrapping themselves in someone else’s pleasure, with the full participation of all.  Arousal building on arousal, spiraling in itself and expanding to cover the other.  Give and give and take, and give all rolled in itself like a burrito.  The slick bodies desperately seeking the other for release.  This lust reflects a lust, a gratefulness for living, a desire to join the temporary oneness of pleasure.

But also it is just plain out fucking.  Pushing someone on the wall and kissing all the air out of them, so they’re gasping for breath.  Teasing that spot that drives the other crazy with need.  Pulling and pushing.  Skin against skin.  Sweet salty sweat.  Pain that causes very sweet, soaking delights.  Mouths coaxing pleasure from slick places,  fingers pulling out climaxes from hidden places.  Genitals touching, rubbing, sliding against each other.  Climax!  Maybe more.

These kinds of sex can both be better with someone I know I know.




So, I swear this is only the second time I’ve ever done this, so I don’t know whether I am very happy or terrified I’m going to mess this up, but I am currently seeing two people – one male, one female – starting at about the same time.  This is, however, the first time where this made the structure a “V” rather than a triad.  They know about each other, I have mentioned each to each other, but, as far as I know, they have never met each other in person.

This relationship structure is different to me.  Two people, at the same time!  Who both like me and think that I’m super cute and very interesting.

I’m not quite ready to give them pseudonyms yet, because I want to be sure, but I like where this is all going, so I’m going to tell you about them, at the least.

She is cute, short, adorably dorky geek.  She is doing studying in design and welding and a whole bunch of other awesome things.  She’s a nice kisser.  On our last date, I met up with her at a Comicon, had lunch, then I got to meet one of her friends.  Well, maybe got to isn’t quite the right word – the friend wanted to meet me after hearing about me.

He is smart, and dynamic, and pulls me like no other.  I tend to be very touch oriented, but I’ve never been with someone else who is.  It’s amazing.  It leaves me feeling like I have been very thoroughly touched, everywhere, so yeah, that’s a fabulous new thing.  We have a number of mutual friends.  On our last date, we met up at his place, got cuddly and more, went out to dinner and talked a lot, then came back and did more of the awesome same.

So, yeah…  I think, no matter where they go, everything will be fun.