Right Kind of Adult

Being an adult has many unpleasant complications: bills, jobs, taxes, housing, and more responsibilities in general.  But there can be so much joy.

When I was 18, I thought I could rule the world.  I was an adult, raised with confidence in my own abilities.  I knew what there was to know about the world and damn it, I was going to do something about it.  I could vote and commit my life to a cause, but I didn’t really know jack shit.  This is the point in time in which I started to discover my identities, started to differentiate myself from what I grew up with.

When I was 21, I had had some experience with college and the world.  I was gaining theoretical knowledge, but not much in the way of practical knowledge (some, because I had to learn to live with other adults who didn’t have any relationship power over me).  I was starting to be able to make decisions that were different than my parents might have made and be able to justify them.  I thought, this is what it means to be an adult, how can there be any more?

Age 25: Life throws me a bit of a curveball in the form of Minx’s death.  How can I go on, when this joy in my life is gone?  How can I grow on?  How will I ever fall in love again?  This is the big differentiating moment in my adult life.  Who do I become after this?  So, I gave myself time.  I gave a lot to myself so I could heal, and I think that makes me more of an adult than a lot of people older than that.

Age 28 (current): It turns out, love is a big part of my recovery.  But not romantic love.  The love of my friends and family gave me strength to grow.  Falling in love a couple times helped remind me that yes, I can fall in love again.

But now, I am enjoying being an adult.  It’s only taken me a decade.  I love falling in love, fucking, voting, drinking, getting high, dealing with my own medical decisions, and actually finding joy in the long term planning for my future, with the people I have chosen.  I never could have imagined this at 18, but I think I may have finally reached adulthood, and this gives me great joy.

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