To my partners,
I should definitely start this off with: I love you all, each in your own way. I hope there is no doubt in any of your minds about that fact.
You are all very different people. At different places in your life, coming from different backgrounds. But there is one thing you have in common – for this time (however long it may last) our paths have come together in this forest of life and I could not be happier to have you beside me as my partner. To use another metaphor – I am full of joy seeing the houses of love we’ve built together, renovated together, even installed windows in together. And may they continue to grow and change.
I will admit to difficulty in the last few months, especially with figuring out the mesh of our lives together. And it has all been full of “big feelings” – scary, wonderful, touching, saddening feelings. Whatever difficulties we encounter, please know this: I will always be both your cheerleader and your biggest fan. Even if I am mad at you or sad at you or frustrated, that is what love means for me – I will be your advocate, even sometimes, when needed, to yourself. Whatever you choose, I will support you to the best of my abilities, even if it is not the decision that I would have made.
That is not to say I will never be critical – I promise I will call you on your bullshit. But I will make every effort (within my ability – as dictated by my mental health and available spoons), to do it in a loving manner. This is where I have fallen down recently – I have chosen reaction to action, and I know, with each of you, this has gotten me into serious shit. I don’t have much to offer on this front other than apologies for the wrongs I have inflicted on you, the strains on your own spoons and mental health, any effects on your other relationships, and the promise that I am working on the balance. I have decided I need to pursue therapy again – there are simply things I do not have the resources to handle by myself, and the scale has come down firmly on the side of the financial cost being less important than my mental health and wellbeing.
Having the picture of all of us together sitting at my desk, within easy view, has, especially this last week, been a bright light of joy in my work day.
Loves and hugs and kisses,