I am behind on these – fortunately, my goal was for the number of posts to line up with the number of days in the month, so I’m only really behind on number of posts rather than days. I chose to do it that way because I knew this would happen – it has the last couple times I’ve attempted to do something similar. So, it is what it is.
CN: self-talk (both positive and negative)
One of the most challenging things in my life has been accepting me for me. Not for what everyone else thinks of me, what they think my flaws and triumphs are, but what I think they are and who I think I am because of them.
Yes, my flaws can be challenging, and I know that they can be be difficult for others to handle at times. I think they tend to make me a more well-rounded person overall. But, I’m under no delusions about their nature or qualities.
I know that I’m stubborn (not persistent, stubborn), quick tempered, easily distractable/bore easily (less so, now that I’m on meds, but I’d say that this is still the case), a bit of a hypochondriac (some of that being a matter of the whole “Just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean you’re wrong” idea – I have been right to bring up some of them because it meant that I got someone to actually address what I thought was wrong), very sensitive to things in my environment that don’t phase most people, don’t have much of a filter when it comes to things I really enjoy talking about (more than most people probably think though – for every word that comes out of my mouth, an average of two to three stay in my head), and poor vocal volume control (and, to a certain extent, tone control).
I am not clever. I am not very patient (definitely been working on this the last few years). I can be super sensitive about wording. I have to put in effort to not interrupt conversations when I have something exciting I want to say. I can be very forgetful. I am a procrastinator. I am picky about food (this is one of those things I have definitely seen some progress with over the last few years – the New Years’ resolution from a few years back to re-try everything and not automatically judge a food I hadn’t ever had has really widened my food horizons).
I haven’t ever done anything with my degree, except to use the skills I gained from it and my paralegal training to analyze the political and legal world around me. I am hesitant to take risks. I am sensitive to criticism. I can act very irrationally when I’m yelled at or perceive that I’m being yelled at, whatever the actual reason – either that or I completely shut down.
But here’s the thing – I have a lot of triumphs, too. More than I have flaws, more than I can ever list here.
I am a good listener. I have good taste in tea. I enjoy a broad swath of different kinds of music. I am a good cook and at least a decent baker. I can make conversation with just about anyone, even if I know there will be a lot of things we disagree on. I am a good mediator. I can be very persuasive. If I enjoy what I’m doing, I work very hard at doing it well, and very often succeed. I am a good speller. I actually enjoy writing just for the sake of writing, of getting words out of my head onto paper. My writing voice is distinctive. I love reading. I interview well.
I love learning and believe solidly in being a voracious lifetime learner. If I want to learn something, I will go out and find resources to teach myself, if resources are not readily available. I am a good legal researcher. Heck, I’m a good researcher, period. I wrote a damn impressive paper for my Honors project at the end of college about a subject that, at the beginning of college, I never would have thought I’d be interested in, much less passionate enough about to write a more than 50 page paper on.
I have developed strategies to compensate for traits and flaws while I work on improving them. I tend to take a long-term view of events (except when depressed – depression tends to, well, depress that ability). I am making great strides in communicating what I feel and what I want/need from someone or some situation, and being able to filter out what I can deal with on my own. I believe in open communication.
I chose my major in college because it was something I was (and am passionate about), not because I thought it was a marketable thing (yes, I recognize the privilege inherent in that choice). I chose my minor because it was something I thought I could enjoy, while still being a marketable skill set (compromise with my parents). I chose to pursue my paralegal certificate with great passion, even though I didn’t technically “need” it. I am good at advocating for myself with professionals (and for others, if need be) – being assertive, rather than aggressive.
I am aware of most of my needs and desires, even if I have to work on communicating them sometimes. I am good at asking questions.
And apparently I am good at making long lists of traits – that has to count for something, doesn’t it?