18. How do you define “sex”?
In general, acts performed by at least one party in an interaction with the intention of causing orgasm for one or more other parties, with the consent of all the parties involved. For me, intention matters more than act. A person has an orgasm in the middle of an intense kink scene that doesn’t involve any expectation of sex – not sex. The same person has an orgasm in the middle of a kink scene where there was the intention to cause orgasm in some way, shape, or form for any party involved (not counting bystanders) – definitely sex, at least for one party.
What about cases where the intention was unknown or unclear?
If it was me personally, I will generally assume that that was not the intention, until I have the chance to clear with the other party or parties involved and I definitely will want to clarify it, if it is at all positive.
What about if only one party had an orgasm or if only one party was acting on another, without expectation of reciprocation and no intent on another party’s part to induce orgasm?
Technically both parties could claim that they had sex. The acting party could put up a decent case that they didn’t have sex with the acted upon party, as no one acted upon them (assuming two parties involved). This is mostly up to the parties involved. For me, if we do have sex or are planning on having sex in the future, even if the action was one-sided – it probably will balance out in the end. With someone with whom that is not the case – I’d probably just leave that up to individual parties to decide whether they, personally, had sex. Based upon the mood and the relationship with the person involved, I have decided on both sides of that for myself.
What about group sex?
I would actually use a situation that I was in as an example. I was in the middle of a make out, cuddle pile that ended up going to the bedroom. I was in the middle of the bed but I was not acting upon anyone past making out with them and handing out condoms and lube and was not acted upon other than some fondling and making out. I did not have sex with anyone there – but I did participate in an orgy.