More Than Two 1.7

If I am already in a relationship, does my desire for others come from my dissatisfaction or unhappiness with my current relationship? If I were in a relationship that met my needs, would I still want multiple partners?

This is a bit more complicated to answer from the perspective of someone who is already in multiple relationships and for whom the chronologically first of those (the oldest relationship) was polyamorous to begin with.  I dislike the assumption of a dyad opening up for everyone’s first poly experiences.  Yes, it is common, but not all of us experience that.

Plus, the assumption that people only get into relationships to meet needs feels a bit transactional to me.

So I’m going to answer this from a couple different perspectives.  The first being when I was just, from the start, with Trydaen (though I’m not sure those answers won’t be partially hypothetical, due to the difference in situation).  The second being currently.

First: No, it does not come from there.  No relationship will ever completely meet my needs by itself – I realized that a long time ago.  Any new person brings new perspective and new light into my life that I could not have had before, possibly revealing new needs/wants/desires.

Second: My desire for (hypothetical) others currently is mostly out of an enrichment perspective – I am rather happy with my current relationships.  The limited seeking I do outside of those is to expand my social groups.  If I was dissatisfied or unhappy with any of them, I would prefer to talk to them first to see what can be done to alleviate that, not seek an outside relationship to replace or augment my situation.  I choose to have multiple partners (the three that I do have and the other relationships that have value for me) because I value what they bring to my existence – each brings something different than the other – and because I like what we have going, in whatever form it is going.

Yes, meeting my needs is important, and I like that my partners definitely do meet some of them, but it is not why I choose them.

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