More Than Two 1.6

How do I define commitment? Is it possible for me to commit to more than one person at a time, and if so, what would those commitments look like?

I guess I would define it like this:  two people give their informed consent to each other to start/continue a relationship with each other, with the intent of continuing with each other for whatever length of time they choose (including indefinitely).  This means that they will continue to keep each other in their own loops and choose to work on whatever comes up during this time period.  For me it is mostly about intention: I intend to continue the relationships I have currently in a loving and kind manner, and I believe that it is important for us to address anything that comes up and keep each other informed.  I keep choosing them every morning when I wake up and I hope they either keep choosing me or talk to me about whatever is going on if they don’t choose me. (And by choosing me, I don’t mean exclusively – I mean keeping me as an important part of their picture.)

It is definitely possible for me to commit to more than one person at a time.  Every morning, I give a minute or so to the idea of each of my partners and the picture we all form together.  Did anything change the previous day?  Is there anything we need to address (for me to keep choosing our relationship)?  Do I still like the idea of us together?  So, I just do this for more than one partner.


Random January 4

Bullet your whole day.

  • Woke up to my first alarm at 6:40 – remembered to take my thyroid meds.
  • Tried to get back to sleep.  Failed.
  • Decided to try to snuggle Diplomat.  First attempt failed, as he was still mostly, if not entirely, asleep.  Second attempt, somewhat more successful.  Third attempt – success!
  • Second alarm at 7:55.  He gets a nosebleed.  I decide to actually get up and get dressed. (Note to self: buy Kleenex, stock in hall closet.  Also, look into humidifiers.)
  • He gets dressed while I look for socks.
  • Achieved warm socks then we both went downstairs.  I noticed that no one had fed the cat his wet food, so I grab the can out of the fridge and a spoon out of the drawer and put it on his plate, after scraping off what he didn’t eat last night.
  • Grab my jacket from the hall closet, shoes from near the door, purse from side table, and keys from right next to it, and then we’re off.
  • We get outside, give Diplomat a kiss goodbye, he tells me he loves me, I say it back, and tell him to have a good Wednesday.
  • Drive to work – went my usual route, but there was something going on at the interection at the bottom of the hill, so I flipped a U-turn and went to work the way I usually come back from it.  Get there basically exactly on time.
  • Log on to computer at work and go grab something to eat.  Come back to desk at work.
  • Work – answering phones and emails.
  • Talk to Lola over Facebook Messenger about going with me to social event for sex party group – it’s a go.  Yay!  Didn’t really want to drive alone.
  • Talk to Diplomat over Facebook Messenger about some stuff he had going on in his head.  I hope I was helpful.  Then talked about actually finalizing some of our anniversary plans.  Squee!
  • Work.  Then weekly meeting at work over phone and web conference – put in a check order and looked at hotels while I was on mute.
  • Lunch.  Talked to Diplomat about last night, which segued into an interesting conversation about perceived power dynamics in our relationship.
  • With 20 minutes left to lunch, I decide to excuse myself from the lounge area and, well, go find a private place.
  • Finish up, wash hands, then head back to work – end up being late back by about 5 minutes.  No big deal.  Also, totally worth it.
  • Decide it is finally time to dismantle the Christmas tree in the front area at work.  Manage to take it apart by myself, but getting it into the box proves rather difficult.  I end up rearranging the order of the pieces and manage to get it in, if not fully closed.  I consider this a victory and drag it off to the hall closet, where it will live until next December.
  • Bathroom break and go heat up a slice of pizza for lunch.  Have a conversation about intermittent fasting with one of my co-workers (The second most recent hire.  He’s a few years older than me.  We occasionally have long involved conversations over Lync/Skype at work about various subjects – he’s the only person in the office I’ll even touch on politics with.  Nice guy, seems to be a rather dedicated dad.)
  • Work.
  • Remember that I haven’t actually eaten the pizza and that I should probably do that, even though it has cooled off.  Cut it up and eat it.
  • Haul couch and chair back to front area (they move when the tree comes out).
  • Have a bit of a coughing fit.  After water and some of a candy cane, seems to be doing better.  Damn allergies.
  • Sign off on the pickup of our paper to shred – can’t talk to the guy, mouth still has pizza in it.
  • Finish pizza, push plate away.
  • Look at rental houses for my birthday trip.  Narrow it down to a few.  Will decide probably later this week, after I have a chance to run it by Trydaen.
  • Have more water and get back to work.
  • Think about a subject for a blog entry, then realize I have yet to do this one.

Currently doing this one – will do the rest of it as far as I think the day will go.

  • More work.  Probably fairly slow.
  • Finish off my water – consider whether I want to ask my boss to cover the phones while I’m off using the bathroom and getting more water.
  • If she is off the phone and her door is open, I will probably ask.  If not, if it gets desperate, I will ask one of my co-workers nearby to keep an eye out.
  • Refill water bottle, use bathroom.
  • Finish off candy cane.
  • Realize that I probably shouldn’t have had the candy cane so close to taking my thyroid meds.  Shrug and say to heck with it.
  • Take thyroid and allergy meds.
  • Send Lync/Skype message at 16:05 that I am logging off and that the phones are out to the folks who are here until 17:00.
  • Go do my usual evening clean up stuff, then grab my purse, bag, and coat, then leave work.
  • Drive home the same way I came in this morning, while listening to the radio.
  • Get home, open door, dog barks, cat notices me (if I’m lucky), and I put down my bag and purse on or near the side table.
  • I decide whether I want to take a quick shower before I go out tonight and whether I want to change, and do that.
  • Trydaen gets home.  I say hello, give him a kiss, and plop down on the couch, if I wasn’t already there.
  • Tell Trydaen that Lola will be by and that we’ll be going out to a social event.  He’ll shrug and probably ask what time I think we’ll be home.  I’ll shrug and say “11ish?” and promise to let him know when we are on our way back.
  • Lola arrives, I scurry to get my stuff together and shoes on, then we leave.
  • We talk in the car on the way there – may end up hitting the tail end of traffic.
  • I maybe get a message from Diplomat, take some time to enjoy it.
  • We get there, find the greeting table if there is one, get name tags and other assorted stuff (if there is anything), and I look around to see if I can pin down a table, bonus points if I know anyone there.  If I don’t, I introduce myself.
  • Lola is being a social butterfly.  She will probably want to spend at least a large chunk of the event with me and I may even get up to wander a little bit.
  • I get a drink, maybe Lola does too.  Hopefully also some food, maybe we’ll split something.  That tends to work out well for both of us.
  • Depending on what time it is and which one of us drove, the non-driver may have a second drink.
  • We probably will both start to get tired around 10 or so, and one of us will mention that we should probably get going.
  • We say good-byes to people and close out the tab.
  • Drive home, probably a bit quiter than the way there.
  • We get back to my place, I give her a kiss good night (or more than one), and head inside.
  • I talk to Trydaen for a little bit, brush my teeth, then head to bed.
  • I’ll read through Facebook and Reddit for a bit, maybe play a little bit of a game on my iPad, then decide I should actually get some sleep, plug it and the phone in, then get comfy.
  • Sleep.

Random January 3

A book you love.

In general, I recommend The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver.

I like how this book takes on colonialization, by flipping the script.  It takes place in the Congo, right as the Congo was starting to undergo a lot of political upheaval.

A missionary family goes to the Congo – the father is very intent on converting the natives, the rest of the family is along for the ride.  The catch – the story is told primarily from the perspectives of the four daughters of the family (the mother appears to narrate two chapters, one at the beginning and one near the end).

I tend to describe the book as so: “Missionary family goes to the Congo intent on changing Africa.  Instead, they are changed by Africa in many ways.”


Random January 2

Something you feel strongly about.

Lots of things?  Hmmm… to pick one.

Ah, the presence of pineapple on pizza.

Pineapple is one of the very few plant substances I am okay with on pizza – those being: tomatoes (both fresh and sun dried), spinach, garlic, broccoli, carrots, onions (green – all the time, others – some of the time), apple/pear, and pineapple.  This list has expanded quite a bit in the last few years.

Pineapple pairs wonderfully with pepperoni.  The pepperoni is spicy and umami and the pineapple’s tart sweetness contrasts very nicely with that.  For me, it is the perfect combination – plain pepperoni seems to be lacking something for me if it is not paired this way.  Heck, in a lot of cases, I’d probably prefer to have just the plain cheese than do without pineapple with my pepperoni.  I am okay with Hawaiian pizzas, though in most cases I would prefer to have the pepperoni instead of ham (one exception: Little Ceasar’s Hawaiian – that shit is amazing, for some weird reason).


Random January

So, I really like have some sort of structured writing for this blog – really gets my creative juices flowing in a way that works for me.  So I’m going to write on more prompts for January that Lola pieced together and I am using from her blog (I added one because January has 31 days).

The questions:

Five ways to win your heart?

Something you feel strongly about.

A book you love.

Bullet your whole day.

Things you want to say to an ex/to exes.

Your views on mainstream music.

Five pet peeves.

What you ate today.

What do you think was the most important part of your formal education?

Put your music player on shuffle and write the first 10 songs that play.

Talk about your family.

Five people I find attractive.

My opinion on my body image and how comfortable I am with it.

What did I wear today and why?

What is my Zodiac/Horoscope and do you think it fits you?

Something I always think what if about.

Something I am proud of.

Something I have struggled with.

Five items/things I lust over.

My biggest fear, rational or irrational.

What is my goal for 10 years down the road?

My education path… and what it meant to me? Do you have a teacher that sticks out more than others and why?

Something you miss and why do you think you miss it?

Five words/phrases that make me laugh.

Something I am worrying about right this moment.

Five things I like and dislike about myself and why.

A quote I try to live by.

Five things you like that would be considered weird by most.

One thing you are excited about.

Somewhere I could see myself living.

What is your favorite part about your current relationship(s)?


2016 Did Not Suck

I know this is a controversial opinion, but my 2016 did not suck.  Yes, 2017 and the three years after have a higher than average chance of being sucky, due to the election of TOWSNBN.  Yes, a great number of awesome celebrity folks died.  Yes, some people in my life had some unfortunate medical issues come up.

But personally?  I had a great year.

I managed to let go of an ex (even before I was out of my SAD).

I went to a local poly event the day before my birthday, helped out with the greeting (even though it was the first time I had gone), met some neat folks at the event itself.  Then I disappeared to the escape area that some of the more introverted folks set up at a nearby bar and had one of those fabulous one-on-one intellectual conversations that I do so adore, as an introvert.  I am used to those conversations going nowhere afterwards, so despite (apparently – I don’t quite remember) expressing interest in seeing him again, I didn’t expect it to go anywhere.  The conversation was satisfying in and of itself.

Then we went out on a date.  Then a whiskey tasting at a local bar with a dozenish people from the local community – I drove him home, partially just to keep talking with him.  Then a concert, with a certain amount of a certain kind of tension going on by this point – such a hot make out that night.  And then a date at his place for “tension” relief.  Then a brunch with Trydaen to meet his wife (June).

We ended going to Bellingham on a day off – I wanted to show him a town that was very important in my development.  We had a long talk about my gender on the way – I was amazed that someone actually wanted to ask me about that, actually wanted to dig into that with me.  Then we went back to my place and I said what had been sitting on the tip of my tongue for the whole day – I love you.  And had a very enthusiastic and instant reciprocation in response – and I let a large sigh out in relief.

Over Memorial Day weekend I went on a date with a lovely woman out to Leavenworth.  I had met her a couple years before at a party and had gotten the chance to get to know her a little better earlier that month.  So we went out there, wandered around the city in the scorching hear, talked to some friends of hers who also were visiting, and then when out to the river to wander around.  We sat in traffic for a few hours and just had a chance to talk.  Then we out again.  And fucked.  And went out again.  At a sex party we went to I ended up telling her that I loved him off hand.

Through this whole time I spent time with some other lovely folks, mostly casual dating, but with some emotional contact.  All very enjoyable.

Diplomat and Lola ended up meeting my parents – one of my steps in integrating my chosen and bio families, even if just a little bit.

Through various parties and events spent together I got more of a chance to get to know my metas better and started appreciating them far more.  For my household’s holiday party I invited my local polycule – two of whom had never been to my house before.  I was super nervous – what if the experience was less than awesome?  I wanted to give them the best experience possible.  And I was so incredibly happy that it went well.  I loved the chance I got to introduce my new chosen family to my old chosen family and I was glad to reciprocate the introductions that my new partners had made for me to their communities. 

So more love.  And more community.  What is there not to love?


For December

For December, I think I’m going to go back to an old writing prompt, from: http://polyhorde.tumblr.com/post/87423863646/30-day-non-monogamy-challenge.  I did this in February of last year and I’d really like to revisit it.

My posts from last year:

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3

Day 4

Day 5

Day 6

Day 7

Day 8

Day 9

Day 10

Day 11

Day 12

Day 13

Day 14

Day 15

Day 16

Day 17-24

Day 25

Day 26-28

Looks like I didn’t do anything after Day 28, so I guess that will be brand new.


November Write 18

Being able to articulate what my drop feels like has been a bit cathartic.  I do occasionally get a drop after kink scenes, no matter what side of the slash I’m on.  But something about my brain chemistry lately (for better or worse) has had it happening far more often recently, most of the time even from very vanilla times.  I don’t understand why it is happening now – I do not know if it is temporary, hormone driven.  We will see….


November Write 14

To my partners,

I should definitely start this off with: I love you all, each in your own way.  I hope there is no doubt in any of your minds about that fact.

You are all very different people.  At different places in your life, coming from different backgrounds.  But there is one thing you have in common – for this time (however long it may last) our paths have come together in this forest of life and I could not be happier to have you beside me as my partner. To use another metaphor – I am full of joy seeing the houses of love we’ve built together, renovated together, even installed windows in together.  And may they continue to grow and change.

I will admit to difficulty in the last few months, especially with figuring out the mesh of our lives together.  And it has all been full of “big feelings” – scary, wonderful, touching, saddening feelings.  Whatever difficulties we encounter, please know this: I will always be both your cheerleader and your biggest fan.  Even if I am mad at you or sad at you or frustrated, that is what love means for me – I will be your advocate, even sometimes, when needed, to yourself.  Whatever you choose, I will support you to the best of my abilities, even if it is not the decision that I would have made.  

That is not to say I will never be critical – I promise I will call you on your bullshit.  But I will make every effort (within my ability – as dictated by my mental health and available spoons), to do it in a loving manner.  This is where I have fallen down recently – I have chosen reaction to action, and I know, with each of you, this has gotten me into serious shit.  I don’t have much to offer on this front other than apologies for the wrongs I have inflicted on you, the strains on your own spoons and mental health, any effects on your other relationships,  and the promise that I am working on the balance. I have decided I need to pursue therapy again – there are simply things I do not have the resources to handle by myself, and the scale has come down firmly on the side of the financial cost being less important than my mental health and wellbeing.

Having the picture of all of us together sitting at my desk, within easy view, has, especially this last week, been a bright light of joy in my work day.

Loves and hugs and kisses,



November Write 11

It is hard to write about even the very recent past and the emotions of the day when you are in an entirely different headspace, but I will try (though it may be brief).

Last night I went to a concert with Diplomat, June, and Star.  We all met up for drinks and chat a couple hours beforehand, along with one of June’s good friends (who wasn’t going to the concert, but wanted the chance to drink and chat).  Afterwards we walked together to the bar the concert was in (all of a block away or so) during the one of the openers, so I got the chance to meet a number of Diplomat and June’s friends from a different community, which was amazing, and made me feel very loved and welcomed.

The space itself was not very large, with a pretty standard set up: stage in the back with dancing/standing space, door in the front, bar on the left, limited seating on the right.  Good light levels.  There was a fair sized crowd for the space – for me, perfect sized for the space.  Not so crowded that I had to keep a scan for my exits going and there was always space to move around.  So that helped me relax immensely.

The singer was a member of a band I knew in college and whose break up concert I went to about eight or so years ago.  I forgot how fabulous his voice was, especially in person.  Wow.  And he chose to engage the audience, actually had us participate in the experience, which made me very happy.  And the music was perfect to move to, to flow to.  And having such a great part of my chosen family with me – that made the experience many times better.  Such joy, love, and compersion.  Just…wow.

As I posted while I was waiting for my pelmini after the show (Delicious Russian dumplings, either in potato or beef, with whatever toppings you order – I got mac and cheese.  So much cheese!  Also, just about the perfect late night food, especially after drinking), it was the happiest I’ve been for a long time.  Pure, unadulterated, delight.