NaNoWriMo 8 – New

So… I think it’s time. I’m adding my new guy (and his peeps) to my polycule chart. I’ve been hesitating for a while because I don’t know what to call him (there are a number of appropriate ones that I’ve come up with) and because we’re trying to keep things pretty casual (we’ll see how well that works down the line…). I started seeing him about 13 weeks ago and we’ve been going on dates every couple weeks, pretty regularly. I’ve known him for several years now – the kind of knowing that involves conversations at mutual friends’ parties and larger scale play/sex parties and some sexual tension. The timing had never been quite right before, but now, now I’ve been open to different kinds of connections for a bit and that opened up that possibility. And wow… yeah. The chemistry is awesome.

What I’ve decided on for now namewise, and I reserve the right to change my mind, is Ember.


I Don’t Know Where to Begin…

About two months ago, I started flirting with a guy at a party – playing with the snappy buttons on his shirt.  I had been drinking.  We had talked a little bit earlier, he had asked me whether I was going to this particular party.  I said yes, because, well, I was.  He said he looked forward to seeing me – nice, but not going in any particular direction.  We talked a little bit and I asked if I could play with his buttons.  “Sure.”  So for the next hour or so I did, much to the amusement of everyone else at the party.  We ended up making out downstairs, me pushing him against the wall.  Lovely subby boy.

We ended up deciding to take it further – checked in about the necessary safer sex stuff, asked about a room, found one.  And oh my the sparks flew.  We played for about an hour the first time – biting, fingering, touching all over.  He made me cum more times than I could count before he even put a condom on and slide his cock in me.  And a couple more times before he finished.  Afterwards we just lay there and talked and touched.

Got up, then ended up going outside to sit in the hot tub with the people still left at the party (it was late), flirting with each other, and playing around with the other folks in the hot tub.  I sat on his lap most of the time.  We ended up going back in.  And repeating the events of earlier with much enthusiasm.

Eventually we ended up going to bed on an inflatable mattress – he fell asleep, I got cold so I couldn’t.  At some point during the night he woke up and saw I was cold, pulled me in close to share his warmth.  I fell asleep right there, so I got a few hours that night.  We showered together the next morning, left with phone numbers and a promise to get together again soon.  And we did.  And have several times since.

We have talked every day since via text – more than two months, for a bit of that across states.  We are officially together – he is my boyfriend, my boy.

I think the rest is worth discussion later.

But for now, meet Grey Sky.



Relationship: Metamour (former, technically, but the bond that was there while Minx was alive still exists, in a changed way for sure, but still significant)

How long:  A few months.  I first met him about a month before Minx died.

How we met originally:  Minx was having a bad week, so Baron asked Raven and I if we’d like to do a special dinner for her to cheer her up.  We all got together at Raven and Minx’s new house and we had a bbq dinner and watched Doctor Who together.

What I like:  His ability to be vulnerable.  The dedication he showed towards Minx.

What I don’t like:  That I didn’t get more opportunities to spend time like that dinner.

What our relationship is like:  We’re Facebook friends.  We talk occasionally, we see each other occasionally.

What I have learned from this relationship: That having someone by your side while experiencing deep things can be a binding experience.  That everyone gets something slightly different from Doctor Who, and that’s awesome.

Random tidbits:  I don’t really have much to add to this section, unfortunately.  We bump into each other occasionally, as we run in the same circles and I don’t anticipate that changing any time soon.  It is what it is, and I am glad to have him as my metamour.



Relationship: Friend, metamour (former, technically, but the bond that was there while Minx was alive still exists, in a changed way for sure, but still significant)

How long:  To be honest, I’m really not sure.  I know I have at least known him as long as Minx, but I also know for sure that it has been longer.

How we met originally:  He says that we met a couple years ago at one of the parties at the PDC.  I don’t doubt him, but I have no recollection of this (probably because I was drunk at the time).

What I like:  His honesty.  His very open way of addressing the world.  The chin dimple (it is adorable).  His voyeurism.  His brains – I like picking at them.  What the joys and trials of parenthood can look like.

What I don’t like:  That he lives so far away.  The stubble (all stubble is scratchy on my skin).

What our relationship is like:  It is very in between right now.  We get along well, but the whole busy thing means that we don’t get to spend a lot of time together, which is a bummer.  I like picking his brains about things and I love that he picks my brains about things too.  I think we will always have the shared bond of losing a partner and that, that is something I don’t seem to have words for.

What I have learned from this relationship: That having someone by your side while experiencing deep things can be a binding experience.  Lots about food science and cooking – way more than I thought there ever was to know (you can caffeinate marshmallows and they are amazingly delicious).  That sometimes loving does mean leaning and sometimes it means being a steady pillar to lean on.

Random tidbits:  I am glad that he and Minx were legally married when she passed, because it meant that she had someone very capable and very sane handling those difficult decisions when it came to the end of her life.  I will always admire his ability to remain calm and serene in difficult situations, also, his ability to fall asleep anywhere, anytime.  He does beautiful chainmail work.



Relationship: Girlfriend/partner (deceased)

How long:  I had known her since about June 2012 (online perhaps before then), and we started dating in February 2013.  She passed away on August 4th, 2013.

How we met originally:  She was one of the hosts for Polystrip 2012 and I had been, for lack of a better term, heckling the hosts for the show before then.  I got volunteered because of my vocalness to be the first person on the Meat Market (dating thingy).  She asked me questions about what I wanted out a person and I stuttered, because, at the time, I wasn’t really looking for anyone to date.  When I was asked about age range, I had no idea how to answer, so I think I put a cap of 32, to which she replied that that was too bad.  I said something about making an exception for the right person.  I am glad that I did make that exception.

What I liked: Her smile, kindness, general optimism, openness, and masochism.

What I didn’t like: Other than answering the obvious (she died too early), I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to answer this question objectively.

What our relationship was like:  It was still very new, so full of light and excitement.  I know, from how she acted and what her other partners have told me, that she was so full of love and energy for me and that makes me happy.  I am glad that I got over my chicken-shitedness and managed to tell her that I loved her (right at the end of a Doctor Who burlesque show she and Raven and I were attending), but I will always regret that that was only a week before her death when I felt it so much earlier.  I am certainly glad I didn’t wait until she was going to say it when she was going to give me a present, because she never had the opportunity to give it to me — I only got it from Raven about a month ago.  She was planning a life with me and I found myself loved and included in a very special way by that action.  I would have loved to have the opportunity to have a wedding or a commitment ceremony with this woman, honoring that unique and precious bond.

What I have learned from this relationship:  Never be afraid to tell someone that you love them because if you don’t, you may regret it later.  Act out of kindness and always be loving to those around you, even when they irk you.  It was through falling in love with this woman that I reinforced my queer identity — not bi or pan, but queer.  Be open about what you want; you won’t get it any other way.  That I am truly a sadomasochist — I love sadism and masochism for entirely different reasons.  That sex can be amazing, even if I am just giving and not being touched at all.

Random tidbits:  We shared a love of Doctor Who.  I attended her wedding with Raven and I felt very happy and compersionate and nothing else.  After her passing, I put aside my plans for a tattoo that I had been thinking about for a long while to get the next tattoo she was going to get (a circle of rainbow hearts — shown after this paragraph).  I found out with her how really amazing fisting can be for the fister; being female it was the first time I got to penetrate a partner with a very touch sensitive portion of my anatomy, feel their heartbeat, feel encompassed by them and it was astonishingly satisfying.  We never really had a first date — the closest was an afternoon where we had lunch at The Armory and spent time at the SciFi Museum in downtown Seattle, but we had been together for a couple months at that point.



Relationship: Boyfriend/partner (my preferred term)

How long:  Have known him since August 2009, have been dating since February 2011.

How we met originally:  Through Butterfly.  I met her on OkCupid and she invited me to their house.  He was her partner at the time.

What I like:  His sense of humor, cute butt, honesty, and intelligence.

What I don’t like: Snoring, issues with expressing attraction/desire, occasionally the only person I can hear from a floor away when I’m trying to sleep.

What our relationship is like:  There’s a phrase I’ve heard about romantic relationships that tends to be fairly true: first year forming, second year storming, third year norming.  We are definitely in our second year, but we are alway still learning new things about each other and discovering the depth of our love.  I am still as desirous of him as I was the first year we were together, but I think there’s more depth to it now.  We have sex fairly regularly, a little less often than I would like, but nothing worth a fuss.  I am definitely the higher libido partner, which is quite a change for me.

What I have learned from this relationship:  Attraction can be sustained through more than just NRE.  How to express specifically what I want, when I want it, instead of just expecting someone to know what I want (still working on this).  How to listen well.  That sometimes love just cannot be explained using words – still don’t know why, just that it can.  That humor is endearing to me.  How drunk someone can get and still not seem like it.  How to be more understanding of people whose brains work differently from mine.

Random tidbits: We were born about eight years and ten months apart (he is older).  He is an aspie.  When I first met him he had hair that was past his shoulders.  He is divorced, as of 2012 – I never met his wife (even though we started dating before the divorce was finalized), but I have seen her in an old video.  He has pretty blue eyes.  He gets into obsessions with video games for months on end.  Our first date was to a conveyor belt sushi place and I was so nervous, even though I had known him for a couple years, and we had been getting cuddly and friendly for a couple months before.



I am planning at least one post dedicated to each person in the cast list.  As new people go on the list, I will add their character sheet.  Some will be longer than others, as I have known some of the people longer than others/have more to say on that person.  As I finish each person’s character page I will link their name on “The Cast” page to the post I made about them.