How do you choose to deal with the pain in your life? The sad things that happen, although maybe not unexpectedly, still happen not on a schedule? I prefer to address them in a couple of manners – the first time completely sober, so I know what I’m looking at. The second time, I’m not sure that (sobriety) matters as much – I think because some of the pain has been addressed before. The third time and on? I tend to address it on a case to case basis, giving it space to be something that just is, in whatever other mindset it exists in or alongside.
Tag Archives: emotion
August Post 24
Feeling: very icky
Just got triggered by something that I had a warning on, and I don’t know, maybe I should have not read it, maybe I though I’d be ok. But no, I wasn’t. And I hate it. And I hate me for not skipping over it. But now…now I just can’t. I’m envious, and hurt, and a whole lot of other emotions I don’t have words for. I’m high, so I don’t have my usual filter…everything just comes at me. Sometimes that’s wonderful, because I can chill my brain out and just let it roll off. Now…fuck. It’s all coming at me and the shelved emotional ouch from the last few days that I thought was resolved has fallen off the shelf at me. I just want to curl up in a ball and tune out and not exist for hours.
August Post 23
Feeling: happy and something else
CW: sex, especially my sex life. If you don’t want to know about it, feel free to skip this post.
OK, there we go.
I am reminded of a couple things today. The first one being that it is wonderful for me to have an emotional tie when it comes to sex. As I’ve said it before, love is definitely not necessary, but it is a matter of having an emotional bond to a person, a connection that goes beyond “this physical act gives me pleasure”. Not that I haven’t had great encounters, where “this physical act gives me pleasure” was the primary concern, but if I was to be told to choose between the two, I would choose the one with the emotional connection. I haven’t quite figured out why yet. I’ve played around with the idea that it’s a matter of accountability to each other, that if something goes wrong, that we’ll be better equipped to take care of each other and ourselves, but I’m not sure that’s all of it.
The second thing being that I am glad of the work I have done to untangle PIV from the notion of sex. This took me a great deal of time. Part of what has helped is fucking people with vulvas/vaginas. There is no doubt left in my mind that I have fucked and been well and thoroughly fucked, but look…no penis! What part of this is is that even though I haven’t always been able to orgasm from certain sorts of penetration (wow, that’s only about a year old), I have always enjoyed it. It has been something I’ve always enjoyed out of sex. But within the last three or four years, I’ve been realizing that I enjoy penetration by objects and hands as much as penetration by penises. And I enjoy giving penetration, as well.