NaNoWriMo 9 – Going Out

So after therapy, I decided to head out to the meet up that one of the larger local polya groups does in the city. This wasn’t exactly unprompted though… Ember had asked me the day before whether I was going, and I had been undecided, basically dependent on how I felt after therapy. After therapy I did a quick check-in with myself to see if I was good to go out (yup, had the energy to socialize) and I headed out.

I got myself parked, then got myself lost trying to find the place – sometimes Google Maps does not really help when you’re on foot, despite how much you want it to. After I got there, I shed my coat, and joined a group of my friends who were near the door, just to say hi. Ember spotted me and came over to greet me with a hug and a kiss and a whiskey to have a sip of (good stuff, but I like peaty). I went over to the bar, the bartender flirted a little with me and I flirted right back, and got myself a single of the same.

I hung out with Ember for awhile, after checking out the rest of the event upstairs. I bumped into three other friends at the bottom of the stairs on my way up, said hello and did hugs, and flirted a little bit with the second gal (she’s cute and I like her). Upstairs wasn’t fitting my mood, so I went back downstairs to put down my stuff and socialize. It is a marvel watching people being flirty and friendly with other people when that’s their element. I mean, it’s fun watching people in their element, period.

I drifted back towards Ember after a bit and we went to go say hi to his partner Seafoam, and I had a super awkward moment with her as we were waiting to talk to her when I went to look at something off the table. So, not a great thing – not sure if I’m deal with a case of genuine bad stuff or whether my anxiety brain is blowing it way out of proportion. Stood and chatted there for awhile, then Ember and Seafoam left and I kept chatting with people.

Eventually I finished my drink and went and got a rye Manhattan at the bar – the bartender asked if I’d ever tried one with Rittenhouse. I wasn’t sure, so I said no. And he made me quite a good Manhattan. I sat down at the bar for a bit and started chatting with the guy who was a couple seats down, mostly just small talk, him asking about the group, but engaging enough that I stayed there for longer than I had intended. After that I went back over and spent most of the next hour chatting with the group of friends who were by the door.

About 15 minutes before they left, in comes someone I haven’t seen for years. And she was happy and that was super infectious. So I stayed there and chatted for most of the rest of the night, listening to her stories about the good things that have been happening in her family medical dramas. The guy at the car eventually came over to join the group and we all stood and chatted for awhile before I started coughing. Something was irritating my throat, so I went over to the bar to get some water. Then other people in the same area started coughing too. The cute bartender went outside to see what was going on and found out that someone had pepper-sprayed someone else a block or so over and it had come in through the vents. So we moved our group back further into the bar and sat there and chatted until closing time.

I forget sometimes how much I like flirting with people I’m comfortable with, and after a drink or two, people I find cute. I can be an incorrigible flirt when I’m relaxed and comfortable in my surroundings. I wish I’d figured this out earlier in life – some of my early 20s might not have been quite so awkward.


November Write 15

I am greatly enjoying my campaign of joy.  Even after just two days, the world looks just a bit brighter. That is not to say this is any cure to depression, but it has been helping me to have more overall joy in my life.

My experiment – to add to the group I have for this (so happy to see my family, friends, and spoonie folks all in the same place – that in itself is quite a joy), sending a few of my morning joys to Diplomat (unbeknownst to him until now – the inspiration for this whole idea), and, whenever I have a criticism of someone, no matter how large or small, to add something nice to it, something I like about them, even if i don’t know them, so it is superficial.  The last bit – actually actively looking for joy and pleasantness in my day to day life, even among the things that drive me crazy or just annoy me – has been a challenge and a gift, but I am enjoying the process. Binding joy to my life, even in the darkest of days.


November Write 1

NaNoWriMo time again!  And, as I often do, I’m going to use this month to encourage myself to write more.  My goal is to write every day this month.  Wish me luck!

For today’s writing, I think I want to touch on the importance of choosing and following your own path.

On my dad’s side I come from a long line of people who were trained as engineers – both of my grandparents, my aunt, and my father all are/were trained as engineers (my grandmother didn’t get to use it much, due to spending time raising her kids).  So, suffice to say, both my sister and I got pressure to go in that direction as well.  But, here’s the thing…neither of us did.

And I think we’re both the happier for that.  We both chose fields that interested us, that excited us intellectually.

If I had followed my father’s path, at least career wise, I would have been miserable.  Mathematics and design never excited me like they did him, his sister, and my grandparents.

I chose and continue to choose based on the idea that I want to maximize my happiness first, generally.  I only have a limited time on this planet – why choose something that will make me less than happy?  Granted, sometimes depression gets in the way of this, obscures my path and obscures even the meaning of happiness.

I choose relationships with multiple people because, a great majority of the time, it makes me happy.  I choose to stay at my job, even though it doesn’t pay super well, because, overall, it makes me happy.  I choose to medicate my seasonal depression and ADHD, so I can see through the obscuring veil that depression and distractions can place on happiness.  I choose to work on my emotions, to learn how to process how I’m feeling because, I know that it gives me more opportunities for happiness.

If I had gone the path that my parents had, I wouldn’t have had the chance to explore my joy.