28 Day Non-Monogamy Challenge 17-24

Yeah, I got distracted by life this last week, so here’s the combined answers.

17. How do you experience love?

In a complicated way.

What used to be the best indicator to me of romantic love was: “Do I acknowledge this person as a person wholly separate from myself?”. Which is a way difficult thing to do.  After a long while, I realized that this is actually a good standard for all sorts of love, not just romantic.

In day to day life, I generally experience love as a sense of importance in someone’s life and of affection for them (in some way).  If I don’t feel like I’m important to someone’s life experiences, then I tend to be doubtful of their love.

18. Do you think non-monogamy is more natural than monogamy?

No.  I think they’re both social constructs and as long as you choose with informed consent, neither is more natural than the other.  Which is why I have a bit of a bone to pick with poly-supremacists who say that non-monogamy is better because it is more natural.

19. Are you currently looking for any more relationships?

Not super actively.  If something comes along and I think it might go somewhere, I’m definitely willing and, I think, emotionally able, to give it a shot.

I keep my OkCupid profile fairly up to date and visit it regularly.

20. What would your ideal relationships be?

I’d love to have a stable triad or quad that lived together/nearby.

21. Do you want to live with one or more of your partners?

Yes, I want to live with my current partner at some point in the next few years.  We’ve discussed this a number of times, as it was, for awhile, something I didn’t want to do (due to a poor experience living with a former partner).  Things are not quite in motion, but it is an active discussion.

22. How do your desires about having children fit with your non-monogamy?

Fairly well, actually, especially if I end up in a long term relationship with a woman who wants to bear children.

I do want to be a parent, as I think I have plenty that I can contribute to a child’s life, but I do not have any desire whatsoever to give birth.

23. Are you out about being non-monogamous?

Partially.  To most friends from after high school and to my immediate family (parents and sister).  Not at work or to my extended family, because I don’t think it’s any of their business.

24. What’s your favorite book about non-monogamy?

More Than Two by Eve Rickert and Franklin Veaux.