November Write 23

My brain is occupied by brain weasels.  At this point they have a permanent residence there.  I don’t know if its a side effect of anxiety or depression, but they can be kind of comforting to have there, in a weird way.  I get used to them in the winter, but this fall/winter I have decided I can face them straight on.  Look them in the face and say, like to a toddler prematurely awoken from a nap: “Go back to bed”.  I don’t think this will be easy – like a toddler, I don’t think they’ll be quick to go back to bed.  But here’s the thing – I have a great battalion behind me.  Great partners, a great chosen family, a great med management ARNP, and a lot of experience doing doing battle with the weasels.  Truth being, I don’t want them to leave – some of my personality quirks are shaped by my worries and anxieties.  Where would I be without them?  But I think they can take longer naps between appearances.


August Post 3

Feelings: sad and angry

Sad because running in hot on Minx’s deathiversary – thought this year might be different.  After all, it’s been 3 years, that’s long enough, right?  Nope.  Not enough.  I wonder if it ever will be.

Angry because all the people’s commemorative posts are making the sad even worse – intruding on my sorrow.  Dumping inwards.  I know it’s not the intention to make me angry and that everyone is dealing with their own grief how they do.

But I just don’t have anything left today.   May have some tomorrow.  We’ll see.