Feeling: nervous…and nervous because I don’t know what I’m nervous about.
So, it’s my 10 year high school reunion tonight and I’m nervous. I’m nervous about presenting properly.
Ack, that’s a complicated idea. I want to present as myself – some elements of the feminine, some elements of the masculine. Coding only subtly as queer – which is weird for me – because I’ll be with a group that I’m not used to coding as queer with. Plus I’ll have Trydaen with me, which codes as straight.
I’ve come across this before when I was in college and I was just seeing a guy (not monogamous, just only seeing one person at that time). Going out to queer spaces with just a guy – it made me uncomfortable. Everyone would see me as straight, a straight person invading queer spaces (bi-erasure for the lose… 😦 ). I tried to combat this by distancing myself from him, but that just feels awful, for both of us.
I’m not comfortable with either side of this.
I’m not straight. I never have been. I’m uncomfortable being seen as straight. But, how can I break through the assumptions, while still dressing in a way that makes me comfortable? I think there’s some bigger questions going on here.