August Post 26

Feeling: contemplative and happy

I had an amazing conversation with Diplomat last night after work.  Some things had come up for him when we had talked on Wednesday night that needed to be addressed, in person.  So I chilled out downtown for a bit after work – went on a walk along the waterfront, drove around downtown looking for parking, finally found a spot just in time to walk quickly to the office where my sugaring gal works to use the bathroom there (shush…I know), then over to Starbucks to see if I could manage to get some calories in my system, even if it wasn’t food.  That backfired and gave me a raised heart rate.  Boo…

So I went up to his work, took some time finding a comfy nook, then sat down and talked.  It is truly intense for me to actually just listen to someone, just sit there and absorb what they’re saying.  Especially so if we’re touching.  It is the case that I generally prefer to have intense/serious conversations (with the people I’m close to) while touching someone. There’s something about physical contact that taps into empathy, that taps into my emotional center.  I’ve run into some major issues in the past with trying to do this kind of thing without that, and my therapist at the time reminded me that the written word, texts especially, can tend to depersonalize (at worst), and we do not have the body language cues that we tend to depend on, so things can get lost, including good intentions.  So if I need some sort of resolution and the timeline won’t work out for in-person communication, I try to keep it as short as possible.

We talked and touched.  And I was reminded of one thing that I love love love about him.  He asks questions that no one has, or turns something around in a way that I had never considered, so I have to think.  Then listens.  Takes it in.  And asks for any clarification that is needed.  And actually remembers.

This kind of communication is what I love about poly.  What has kept me going on this path, even when I didn’t have the emotional bandwidth to handle more than one other person.  It also prompts a deeper communication with the self; you cannot talk about what you want and what makes you tick and tock without knowing it in your self.  And that discovery, that’s fun.

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